Dysfunctional Due To Divorce

One of the things about being an elder is that we have seen things, both good and bad. We have done things, both good and bad, and so hopefully we have learned better and we mentor others to do better.

I was watching the Bush family and their togetherness. It’s admirable.

I know that there are situations that were, and are, hard and sometimes people have no choice but to make a change.

I truly believe, having unfortunately been there, that divorce causes so much dysfunction and remarriages do too.

You have children who don’t like stepparents. It is painful on so many levels, women who are jealous of step mothers, fathers who are jealous of step fathers, children and even adult children, who play one set against the other.

Look around you and maybe in your own life, or some family member, you see constant chaos and dysfunction caused as a result of having to try to get along with people you never asked to have in your life to begin with.

Praying about this today I feel God directing me to encourage those I mentor to try and work things out in your marriages. If you have been through a divorce try your best to be kind to all involved. Don’t badmouth your ex or the new spouse. Try to show love and respect in order to put a stop to a lot of the dysfunction caused by divorce and remarriage.

Most importantly we can avoid all of this by having strong marriages. When we aren’t living for God there is no way we can stay happily married. First of all, if we are single, we should not even date unbelievers. Why? Because we walk into Satan’s territory.

Just my humble opinion, after learning the hard way. I pray none of you will have to suffer through the chaos of divorce!

In His Unconditional Love

Cathie

Belovedhandmdn1@aol.com

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The Truth About Counseling

This may offend some so I apologize in advance. If your therapy is working for you by all means continue.

Ten years ago I began to question the Lord about why so many people would tell me they wanted Christian counseling who were already seeking counsel with a secular counselor and we’re not getting better.

God used the woman at the well to show me the counseling method he wanted me to use. He spoke to me about the woman at the well. He said, “In secular counsel you delve in a person’s childhood. Bringing up all the hurt does more harm then good. When I saw the woman at the well I didn’t do an intake. I didn’t tell her she was a relationship addict due to her childhood. Even if true it didn’t matter because she was in desperate need of something to satisfy the hole in her soul that was being filled with anything to make the loneliness go away for a time. No. I told her exactly what I discerned. I told her she had been with 5 men and wasn’t married to the man she was currently living with. I told her what was wrong and then I told her what she really needed was to drink from everlasting water.” Jesus continued, “I cut to the chase, told her what she needed and she got it. She then went and told people, “Come and meet a man who told me everything I ever did!” I want you to discern the problem through prayer, tell the person what the problem is and then what to do about it.”

So that’s what I do. Granted I could make more money by dragging things out and making clients dependent upon me. As a matter of fact very few people pay me at all. Jesus wants us healed and whole so that we can help others.

Dwelling on events from our past is depressing and at the end of the day we have to accept the past, because it cannot change, and come to peace with it. Blaming our parents, even if they deserve it, is a way of putting our pain on someone else that was probably messed up by their parents too.

Accept,forgive, move on in peace.

Do all Christian Counselor counsel the same? No. I used the model Christ gave me and I have had so many people set free that are now living depression free. Not because of who I am but because of who HE is.

The past cannot be changed but the future can be whatever we want it to be.

In His Unconditional Love

Cathie

Please use this email address to contact me or for PayPal donations Belovedhandmdn1@aol.com

Even Jesus Was Rejected

So often we suffer rejection of our message about Jesus from our own families.

Even Jesus was not listened to by his own people, yet we cannot understand, often, the rejection of our message by some of those in our own families.

To quote from the Bible, ‘Now Jesus himself had pointed out that a prophet has no honour in his own country’ (John 4:44). Christ also said ‘no prophet is accepted in his home town’ (Luke 4:16-30), and ‘Only in his home town and in his own house is a prophet without honor”

Philip found Nathanael and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the Torah and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?”

Mark 6:11

And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear you, when ye depart thence, shake off the dust under your feet for a testimony against them. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.

Cheer up believers. Even Jesus suffered rejection by those closest to Him.

In God’s Unconditional Love,

Cathie

For contact or PayPal donations Hsbelovedhandmdn1@aol.com

Living Through Unimaginable Sorrow

Turning against God, when something hurtful happens, is for some understandable. We have all had times when we suffered pain and felt as if God let us down. It was during one of those times in my life where I reached a crossroad with God. I knew I could go down a road without Him or I could decide to trust Him and go on down the road with Him. I fell to my knees and told Him, “I don’t know why you have allowed this but nevertheless you are the only one who truly loves me, unconditionally, and whether you never answer another prayer I pray again, I am going on with you!”

I remember this quote from the movie, “The Shack,” when I need to, I take it out of my bible and read it. It puts everything in perspective for me. God spoke the following…

“Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn’t mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don’t ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn’t depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.”

― William P. Young, The Shack

In His Unconditional Love,

Cathie

Belovedhandmdn1@aol.com for email or PayPal donations

Guarding Our Hearts

When we spend time with someone regularly we become like them. The intimacy we have with God daily leads us to the same kind of discernment Jesus used when dealing with people. We then have, “The mind of Christ.” Using His discernment we can deal with others the way Jesus did by observing how He dealt with people. Jesus was not afraid to call things out if need be. There is a time to be quiet, beloved, and a time to confront in love.

When I was being taught, by God, how to renew my mind, it was so mind blowing to see the following scripture; John 2:23-24

23 While Jesus was in Jerusalem at the Passover festival, many people believed in him because they saw the miracles that he performed. 24 But Jesus didn’t trust them because he knew human nature. No one needed to tell him what mankind is really like.

So Jesus knew, and we should too, that we have to use discernment when dealing with people because not everyone we come across is who they “appear” to be. Not everyone who told Jesus how wonderful his miracles were really loved Jesus. They loved the miracles but not all loved the miracle maker, God, and Jesus knew that.

In our own lives there are some people who might love what we do for them, but not us. They will use us and then abuse us when they can no longer use us.

I have found that people who have low esteem from years of abuse too easily seek approval of others. Certain users and abusers notice that in us and use it to their advantage. They can show a lot of love and approval but then, in order to get their way, they can refuse to give love and approval. It’s like a drug dealer feeds a junkie drugs and then when they see the person is hooked, they withdraw the drug availability and a junkie will then pay anything to get the drug they crave.

Discerning motives is the part of the mind of Christ, in us, that protects our boundaries.

In His Unconditional Love

Cathie

Email Belovedhandmdn1@aol.com for contact or PayPal donations

Appearances

As I was watching and listening to Steven Furtick preach online this morning the Lord started pouring some wisdom into my spirit. Steven was, surprisingly, teaching on appearances. Some people have all the right appearances. They are in church all the time. They have a lot of money, which pays for fancy vacations, new cars and fine houses. You look at them and are impressed by it all. But God is not! God is not! Because God is looking on the heart, as my sweet Sister, Ihu Oma, reminded me this morning.

All of that stuff is impressive to look at and read about but it’s nothing to God because behind the scenes these people are empty suits. It’s all about them. Sometimes I see some of them and their own families of origin are hungry and sick and they do nothing but drive on by self-centeredly in their new cars. They eat at fine restaurants while their own family’s are praising God for beans and tortillas.

Folks God is keeping score. Those folks eating beans and tortillas invite others in and share what little they have with them. They go to minimum wage jobs each day and then do their best to encourage and do for others. Their appearances are not as good as yours but their score with God is so much higher then their appearances.

There is a scripture James 2: 3-5 that warms about appearances;

…3If you lavish attention on the man in fine clothes and say, “Here is a seat of honor,” but say to the poor man “You must stand,” or, “Sit at my feet,” 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? 5Listen, my beloved brothers: Has not God chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom He promised those who love Him?…

God knows our hearts. He looks past the appearances to the heart. If we do something simply to tick a box and our heart is not really in it, if we do it for praise or recognition God knows that and we miss the blessings involved with it.

The Bible tells us that God loves a cheerful giver. A person that gives because they love to see others happy is much more blessed then a person who begrudgingly pays a tithe. God taught me that years ago. He said to me, “once you give don’t worry about if you get blessed or not. Just give and it will come back when you need it.” Giving is like paying into a heavenly account. God looks down sees you in need and remembers you helping someone in need and then says, “Cathie has a balance in her heavenly account! I will send a Financial blessing her way.” Some of you don’t receive because you have nothing in your heavenly savings account. Start giving sacrificially and watch your situation change for the better.

God says to do the best we can and if people judge us for not doing things their way, they will answer to God. We may look healthy on the outside and yet have a disease such as Lupus that doesn’t show. God made us, he knows our health limitations and he doesn’t expect us to be at the church every time the doors open. We need to leave the judging to God and live our own lives.

One day a woman called me for a counseling appointment. During our time of counseling she proceeded to tell me she had Fibromyalgia and several other health issues. She started crying and telling me how she was invited places and didn’t have the strength to go. Friends and family put a

lot of pressures on this woman and shamed her for not going all the time. She said, “Why can’t I go? What’s wrong with me mentally? They say it’s all in my head!” I told the woman she was not mentally ill at all. She was physically ill and it was her family and friends who had a problem and not her.

Do the best you can. The only person who we need to worry about disappointing is God.

In God’s Unconditional Love,

Cathie King Miller

Don’t Stay Depressed Renew Your Mind

When God taught me how to renew my mind my entire life changed for the better.

We become depressed by thinking depressing thoughts and then dwelling in those thoughts.

Sometimes we like the attention that we get from being depressed. Most of the time we just stay depressed because we don’t realize that depression is a choice.

Try this; the minute you start to think about things that depress you say STOP. Then force your mind elsewhere. Play a game, read a book, watch a funny movie. You are in charge of what you think.

If music triggers thoughts of your ex, and that’s why you are depressed, do not listen to that music. Don’t watch romantic movies and don’t drink. Alcohol is a depressant.

You can renew your mind as soon as YOU make up your mind to do so.

Pray and ask God for strength and then just go forward!

In His Unconditional Love

Cathie

When We Die

Since I am at the age of “studying for the finals,” I have seen a lot of folks die. Some, like my sweet friend Kim, die young and go unexpectedly. Some simply die of old age. I truly have total peace regarding death. I believe that those who live in Christ have souls, which Christ said will live eternally, forever! Those who die lost, without Christ, should live it up now because for that man or woman this is the final place of living it up.

The Word of God says we sleep in Christ until he returns and at that time the dead in Christ go with Him to live with him eternally and those who are alive in Him will then go to eternal life. The others either go to hell or being dead and already residing there, depending on your interpretation of the Word. God took me to hell in a dream once. I won’t go into now but it was so horribly frightening. I saw people I knew there, it truly was a place of constant torment. I was never as happy to wake from a dream as I was from that one.

Kim’s son told me he had a dream about Kim. He said she looked young and had a peaceful, mystical look on her face. He asked her where she was and she told him, “I don’t know but I like it here!” I was so encouraged by that. Her soul is simply resting in peace until Jesus returns for us! What a wonderful confirmation of the Word of God!

In His Unconditional Love,

Cathie

Be Yourself

God made each of us unique. That uniqueness is made to appeal to other people that we are sent to minister to. Your gift may be art, or music, cooking or teaching wisdom but whatever it is use it for spreading God’s love.

Not everyone will like us and those people aren’t our people.

Be yourself and those who get you will stay and those who don’t will leave and that’s okay.

The greatest way to relax in God’s peace is to realize you were created for God’s purposes and not your own. Then and only then does life start to make sense.

In His Unconditional Love

Cathie

Anxiety Caused By Financial Stress

Living beyond our means causes a whole lot of our anxiety. Pray to get your finances into control. Quit buying things you cannot afford. Pay off your credit cards a little at a time. When our lives are out of control there will be disorder in every area. Disorder breeds stress.

I know of where I speak. I was once totally out of control financially. It caused me undue stress worrying about things I didn’t have to worry about because I spent money as a means of avoiding depression. I would often have to stress over obligations because of spending money on stuff I did not need. In the past ten years if I can’t pay cash for something I just don’t buy it. That life-change took God turning my life around and teaching me self-control.

Spending money we don’t have becomes an addiction, a high. You can start today to get it under control and live within your means. Worrying about paying bills is one of the greatest destroyers of relationships. Anytime you feel you have to spend money on someone to keep them you have a bad problem. I extend that to our children too. Build memories through family activities that don’t involve spending money.

I have had two dear friends die, in the past few years, who were not only paying their own bills but those of their grown children. They were afraid to say “NO” for fear their children wouldn’t love them or spend time with them. That’s emotional blackmail! Worry and stress killed them. There is no doubt in my mind. If you are an adult with a job learn to live on your own money.

Some of us need to grow up and live responsibly. Pray and lay your finances at the feet of Jesus, ask Him humbly about teaching you to live responsibly. If you need help email me at mscathie123@yahoo.com. I will give you a list of books that really helped me.

It’s amazing how quickly God will come to your side with help once you admit you are out of control!

In His Unconditional Love,

Cathie